Have u ever felt so Empty? Or, worthless?
Have u ever asked urself questions like, “Why am I still living?” or “What’s my purpose? Why can’t I just simply die!?”
If not. You’re abnormal! Tralolololololo! XD.
Well its depression.
Depression is a state of low mood and aversion to activity that can affects a person’s thoughts, behaviour, feelings and physical well-being. [Thanks Google!]
Depression is a mood so technically it can happen to all of us.
Let me tell u bout something.
It happened when I was in High School [2nd year]. And it was the darkest year of my life. Everyday, I felt just like I was in hell. I belong to a class full of thieves, gangsters, evil worshipers, fakes, prostitutes, attention makers, wanna be’s and BULLIES! [See how I hated this class?]
Yes. I was a victim of bullying. Everytime I go to school, I always think of what will my classmates will do to me. Are they going to punch me? Insult my parents? Or tease me offensively? Everyone just took me for granted bcoz they all know I’m a wimp.
There was a time that I told my classmate “Instead of torturing me with your punches, why don’t u just kill me?” Instead of stopping. He hit me harder.
I got no one to talk to about this problem. My mom’s not around. [she’s working at CA]. And I got issues with my dad. I have friends but it seems like they don’t care. So it made me worst.
I thought if graduated in HS. I’ll be able to scape all those bad memories. But I was wrong. And now, here I am. Still a wimp. Dealing with emotional problem and soon to have a mental disorder. Battling with depression.Struggling from anxiety. Eaten by loneliness, swallowed by pressure and tortured by insecurity. (Waaaay too deep)
But seriously it made my life a living hell. 5 months ago. I just broke down. There was a time that I felt like every single day I was dying. Its just so hard because I got so depress every time. I don’t know, but I always think things such as “Why aren’t we rich?”, “What’s my purpose?”, “Will I be enrolled in college?”, “Why am I so insecure?”. GAAAAAAH! I’m also anxious about everything! A simple noise can give me serious palpitation! Plus I change mood so quickly. I’m iracible in the morning, happy and calm in the afternoon and depress at night. It was like a cycle of moods. All the people who’s surrounding me was affected by my craziness. I ignore them when they’re talking to me, I always show them indecent attitude and shout at them. But the hardest part is… Is when I tried to kill myself. Everyone was sleeping, and I was at my room, crying. I felt so depress and thought that, the only answer to all of this is death. So I went to the kitchen, took the knife and tried to cut my wrist. But I realized Death wasn’t the answer! I have lots dream, I love my family and I had a purpose in life. So I turn to God and pray.
So I spoke out and tried to seek help, but the help that I receive wasn’t the help that I wanted. I was checked by our family doctor and he just gave me meds and adviced me that, I shouldn’t think such things, coz it will lead me no good. But I only ignored him and cried. My Mom knew about what happened so she suggested me to be checked by a psychiatrist, but I thought that It might cost us fortune, so I disagree, and promised her not to think about it anymore.
Months pass and it felt like its coming back. Well I try not to be eaten again by depression, so I always think positive! Sometimes it works. But sometimes not.
Well I did this coz I want ya’ll to know why sometimes I’m like an emo, and for ya’ll to be able to understand me, to know that I need a person who can easily flow with my moods. Someone to be there when I’m depress. A friend who I can control his/her nerves when I shout at him/her when I’m irritated, and instead of being mad at me. He/She will remind me about my temper. I know I had lots of good friends, but I just want to be sure if they will be there until I over come my inner demons.
I wanna thank my Family and friends for understanding me when I’m down and depress, controlling their tempers when I show them my tantrums and irrational behaviors and reminding me things that I shouldn’t do for me to recover fast. May the good Lord Bless you all!
I don’t care if I offended some people. I just wanna share what I’ve been through and the TRUTH.
So if you’re a victim of bullying, don’t do the same mistake that I’ve done. I didn’t do any action. So if you’re being bullied. Ask for help! Tell your parents, teachers or your school heads! By this, he/she who’s bullying you will stop this senseless matter! Don’t be afraid! It’s all about the GUTS!
And if you’re battling from depression or any kind of mental illness, don’t afraid to speak out and seek help! It’s the first and most important thing you should do for you to recuperate! And always bear in your mind that Suicide isn’t the answer.
This is for all the bullies out there! You just made us STRONG :)
—Manual of The Warrior of The Light
The friends of the warrior of light ask him where he draws his energy from.
He says: ‘From the hidden enemy.’
His friends ask who that is.
The warrior responds: ‘Someone we can no longer hurt.’
It might be a boy who beat him in a childhood scrap, the girlfriend who left
him when he was eleven, the teacher who said he was stupid. When he is tired, the
warrior reminds himself that these enemies have still not seen his courage.
He does not consider revenge, because the hidden enemy is no longer part of
his story. He thinks only of improving his skills so that his deeds will be known
throughout the world and reach the ears of those who have hurt him in the past.
Yesterday’s pain is the warrior of light’s strength.